Lessons from Spring in Tianjin
Spring has come in Tianjin. Growing up in Phoenix, I never really understood the magic of a four season climate. My opinion could essentially be boiled down to: cold = bad, warm = good. Winters in Phoenix were mild, summers where simmering and full of adventure. But that was always it with living in the desert. The land visibly showed little change. Palm trees don’t turn orange and shed their leaves. (Thank God, how terrifying would that be if massive leaves just plummeted to the ground every autumn.
Since moving, first to Pacific Northwest and now here to Tianjin, the four seasons have been something I’ve totally relished. It’s this incredible visual barometer for where we are in the year. And Spring, well, spring is awesome. Winter starts out kind of nice and cozy. That being said, once the holidays are over, it‘s maddening as it lingers on and on. But when Spring comes… it’s sweet release. You forgot how amazing it is that leaves grow on trees. Magnolias and Cherry blossoms and all sort of other things start to bloom. It’s a celebration of life and colour. The whole world is telling you, Congratulations, you made it! Winter is over. In essence, spring is great 10/10 would recommend.
With Spring, also comes something else. The new school semester. For us, This semester has been substantially different than last. Namely in our day today schedule. It’s some of the busiest I’ve ever been in my life. About a few weeks in, I started spiral mentally. Feeling stressed and an overbearing blanket of not having enough time. This is coupled with a the fact that I sort of been mourning the concept of lost time back home in the US (or greater North America). Before coming to China there was a part of me that thought if I left China for 2.5 years the rest of the world would freeze and be waiting for me exactly the same when I got home. Over the Spring Festival, I was processing through that.
Now, at large it felt that my time, even here in China was being whisked away from me. It’s hard to explain the culture here. But, in America, time is a commodity. It’s something you’re paid for, something of great value. If you take someones time repeatedly, and especially without really asking it’s considered rude. But here, that’s just not the case. People don’t have a sense of ownership over their time, so they expect you to feel the same. In all aspects, academic, social, and vocational. You’ll find hours of your life whisked away without your permission. Culturally, there’s really nothing you can do about it. This will happen routinely, by multiple people. For a long time I found it really demeaning and inconsiderate. I would feel culturally backed into a corner, and disrespected as an individual. To be honest, I still feel like that sometimes, but I’m adjusting. And I’m learning to to take it less personally.
This adjustment culminated in an experience where I was coerced into an Ancient Chinese Medicine treatment. I’ll save you the details of how this came to be, it’s a long story. But, culturally, I wasn’t in a place where I could really refuse the offer. The person who offered me this treatment was socially higher than myself, and had made a point to emphasis that this was a traditional treatment that had been preserved for hundreds of years and was an important part of her culture. It was impossible to say to no to. Now, why would I say no, that sounds fun right? An interested and unique cultural experience. All those things are true, and in the end I’m glad I did it. But in the moment…. Not so much.
The treatment was five days long. Once a day I would go to a hotel room where I would spend the next three hours. The treatment would start with the Chinese medicine doctor examining my stomach. A lot was lost in translation but I’m pretty sure the treatment was centered around gut health. Afterwards my feet would soak in herbs for a certain amount of time, then I would like on my back, and there would be hot herbal bangs placed on my stomach, and legs. After the herbal bags were placed I would be covered with a blanket and left to sweat, after a while I would turn around and they’d do the same on my backside. When I was done I would go home. Did I mention there was a also a fast? Yes, I wasn’t allowed to eat solid food for 72 hours. I was given a broth to sip on three times a day. The last two days they gave me a Tupperware of pork to ration out for the day. This coincided with upcoming midterms meant that my days started at the crack of dawn and I was on the movie until about 10pm when I returned from my appointments. I was stressed and on the move constantly.
I was acting like this little greedy goblin, chiseling all the time out of my schedule. Trying to find when I could be free for 'me time’. Hoarding what little time I had left selfishly and ungraciously. I was in a CONSTANT rush. Not only physically, but mentally as well. No sooner had I finished with one thing, that I was on to the next. Consciously trying to minimize all transition times, hoping that would add up to some free time at the end of the day. By the days end I was too exhausted to do any of the things I wanted to spend my time on and just ended up vegetating for an hour.
I wasn’t spending this time on my writing, or doing anything creative. Which was the purpose in squirreling time away in the first place. Also, underneath it all, I was anxious. The claim others have on my time in China, makes me feel demeaned out of control. It’s not the intention, and this part of the culture will not be changing anytime soon. So, for the time being this is my problem more than it is theirs. Even worse, anytime someone asked for more time. Which happened frequently. A surprise work meeting after class, or staying an hour later after work, or class runs fifty minutes longer than usual. I found myself increasingly frustrated and insulted. In America, this is where I would politely put boundaries in my life. Say, excuse me, you’re behavior is really inappropriate, my shift ended an hour ago it’s really disrespectful for you to make me stay, unpaid, for this long discussing work matters.
But, surprise, I’m not in US. And the rules about respect aren’t the same. The rules about culture aren’t the same. If I were to do that, I would be the one being disrespectful. I’m in a new country with new rules, and as long as I live here, I have to learn how to play by them.
So, what do you do when massive chunks of time are claimed seven days a week. Not to mention that you’re going to have to fit in homework and studying somewhere in there… The answer came to me in the back of a cab. Actually, in the back of several cabs, and walking by a construction zone, and by my produce guy. 慢点儿, It’s a Chinese phrase that means, slow down. It’s sort of like, “Take it easy.” People have probably been telling me this since I got to China, but I never really heard it until now. Cabbies say it to you as you exit the car. At the market, my produce guy said it as he waved me off. Somehow it really affected me.
Slowing down in the literal sense, wasn’t an option. I still have to take my Chinese classes, take my business classes, go to work, study, do my homework. I still have to respect the wishes of certain influential Chinese mentors in my life. And most importantly I still have 24 hours in the day. My stingy attitude with time was not going to give me any more.
But still, the phrase stuck in my ear whenever it was said to me. Maybe I was just malnourished from all the fasting, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. This time of my life, I’m a stranger in a strange land. After taking my first midterm that week, I had the brain space to think about it for a moment. I realized, if I was going to survive this semester. A time seemingly without breaks, I was going to have to let go of the concept if my time. And for the time being live moment to moment. Accepting rest, when it came, and being willing
